If only there was a way to remove rude golfers from the course so we didn’t have to deal with them!
Hold on a sec. There are some funny ways to deal with rude people. Here are a few tips.
Heckle Other Players When They’re Swinging
The polite thing to do is to be quiet when someone is about to hit their ball. But how many times has your friend removed a glove and the sound of the Velcro separating really messed up your swing? Perhaps the other people in your foursome kept on jabbering on about their wives while you’re at setup. In this case, you should invoke the art of reciprocity. If they’re messing you up, then make excessive noise the next time they are about to take a swing. Bonus points if you can fart loudly in their direction.
Don’t Bother to Repair Divots
Gentlemen replace divots on the course and repair ball marks on the green. Many golfers dig up huge pads of grass and sending them flying down the fairway with their ball. You shouldn’t bother replacing them. You’ll have to walk 15-20 yards down to pick them up. Doesn’t the club hire staff to take care of this for you? I mean, you’re already paying an exorbitant green fee to play 18 holes. Shouldn’t this be a task for some lowly sub-human grounds crew member? Besides, that chunk of grass is just going to die anyway.
Interrupt Players Who Give You Unsolicited Advice
There’s always someone in your group who is going to give you unsolicited advice. This person will be the know-it-all and espouse their superior wisdom in the most condescending fashion. Receiving golf advice on the course, particularly about mechanics, should be saved for the range. If someone starts to give you detailed swing theories while you’re trying to play then just start singing “La La La!” to shut them up. Chiming in with unsolicited advice is for total schmucks.
Throw Another Player’s Ball into the Rough
You might get into a situation where your party is moving too slow. Sometimes people will hit into you, making you run and duck for cover like it’s an incoming missile. You could let them play through – don’t. You’re letting them win. You could be accommodating or you could enact the sweet, sweet revenge you deserve. If they hit into you then take their ball and throw it into the rough. Show them whose boss. Removing their ball from play will teach them a lesson.
Club the Man to Death
The guy who hits into you will be angry that you’re tossing his ball into a bunker or the trees. He might challenge you to a round of fisticuffs. Don’t succumb to using your knuckles in a fight. If you want to win the duel then use your golf club as a weapon. In fact, a wedge is the most sufficient tool to inflict bodily harm. While your driver has a big club head, it will be too light to bludgeon your combatant. A wedge is perfect for breaking bones.
Remember to be a complete nuisance to other golfers if they’re being rude. You’re under no obligation to follow golf etiquette because it’s a part of the tradition of the game. Follow our advice so you can really stink up the links the next time you play.