How to Trash Talk on the Golf Course

Happy Gilmore

As much as you need to know how to play golf, you also need to know how to trash talk. Before we teach you how to trash talk, we need to teach you what trash talk is. If you visit, you’ll read:

In the course of a competitive situation putting down your opponent verbally or saying how good you think are. Oftenly involving talk of moms or sisters.

Trash talking is about using creative verbal insults to distract your competition during a golf match. If you grew up playing golf, you probably spent hours every weekend with your friends developing your trash talk skills. For the rest of you, you may have to put in a little bit of practice.

Now that you know what trash talk is, it’s time to learn how to trash talk.

First of all, the number one rule of trash talk is to always be able to back up whatever you say. If you’re going use braggadocio, then you better not be a high handicapper just starting out. There’s nothing worse than someone who brags about their skills but then fails miserably at their shots.

The second rule of trash talk involves where it should take place. You should be trash talking before the round, during the round, and after the round. If you see a guy down at the clubhouse, you should trash talk him there too. The main goal is to verbally prep him for the beat down he’s about to receive. Or maybe he already received it.

The third rule to trash talk is to anticipate that you will get trash talk in return. And when this happens, you need to be prepared. You’ve heard of the phrase: sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Develop a thick skin fast. You need to be able to dish it out AND be able to take it.

So what type of insults should you use to rattle your opponent? Just like basketball and football, it’s perfectly acceptable to use low brow put-downs. But the more creative you get, the better your machismo will be.

Try any number of these trash talk examples to really get under someone’s skin:

  • When someone’s swing is particularly bad: Yeesh, I’ve seen better swings at my kid’s school playground.
  • When you are outdriving someone or they leave a putt woefully short: Does your husband play, too?
  • If you are side by side in the fairway: What are you hitting from here? When they respond, just chuckle in response.

The Golf Subreddit also has some good suggestions:

  • If you chip so bad that you make a sizable divot in the ground: The only place you’re supposed to hit something that fat is at home.
  • If you hit the ball into the water: Want me to hold your shoes and socks?
  • When you hit a putt badly: I don’t know why that didn’t go in.
  • When someone is about to hit the ball off of the tee: They’re building a new Wal-Mart nearby. It’s between your drive and mine.

If you already knew how to trash talk, tell us some of the vulgarities you like to use. Of course, if you disapprove of trash talk, you can always choose not to play with one of us. We know it’s because you can’t handle any of our smack downs.

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